避风塘: Typhoon Shelter

避风塘 literally means typhoon shelter, metaphorically is a hiding or recuperating place for a person and it's usually their parent's home. It does not matter what challenges you are facing, once you return to this shelter, you are supposed to be welcome. You can rest as long as you need. You would be showered with love and care. I used to have this shelter but it is no longer there. Been hesitating awhile before I called a relative up. Even though her mouth says she regards me as a family member but I did not feel it at all. She already mentioned about money matter and other conditions for staying with her family. I used to think she was the second person in this world who loved me unconditionally. Between her child's nonsense and jealousy and me, she had to pick her daughter. I do not blame her. Blame it on my unfortunate fate. Yet it's still hurt and brings back emotion when asking her for help. I will stay strong to get through all the obstacles. The desire for establishing a family of my own conflicts with my fear of attachment and life challenges. It ain't easy to get to where I am today.